"Come to Me with your ears wide open......" (Isaiah 55:3)
My ears. Maybe my eyes, definitely my heart. Not my mouth. You never said for me to come to You talking. No, you said to be still. To be quiet. And, then you went further. You said to be silent. Quiet is normal. "Silent" is hard.
Tonight, as I wandered onto my swing, and began to open Your word, You told me to be still. So, I stopped singing along to the worship song playing in my headphones. But that wasn't good enough. Again, You said "Be still." So I turned off the music, and stopped reading. Again, I heard "Be still." So, I stopped fidgeting. Not enough yet. So, I closed my eyes. But my mind still raced.
I tried. But I couldn't do it. Occassionally, I would open my eyes, so that passers by wouldn't think I was crazy. Or, I'd swat at the mosquito that just landed on me. Or my neck would hurt, so I'd shift my posture. Or, I'd look up. Or I'd start thinking again. Each and every single time You told me to be still. This was hard. I tried playing music again. But You wanted still, and silent.
I still couldn't do it.
So, I decided to move to a more secluded swing to avoid distractions. As I sat there, the swing kept moving. I was getting dizzy. So I would open my eyes. But you told me to be still. By this point, I wanted to know what in the world You were doing. So, I moved to the ground. I sat there, with my face in my hands, eyes closed, muted headphones in my ears. It was hot. But I sat. There were bugs, but I sat. I desperately wanted to look around and make sure no one was watching. But I sat.
Then I heard you. I heard the frogs, and the crickets, and the train. I heard people walking. I heard cars passing, and I heard doors closing. But I heard YOU. You knew I was distracted by all the other noise, so you said "There will always be noise around you. always. But until you learn to sit and be still, you won't hear My voice over them."
You reminded me of that blog I posted a few weeks ago. I said that instead of running, I would "sit daily in Your presence." You challenged me to actually do that. You said I do a lot of things. But that anyone can do things. It takes discipline to be still.
You told me to do that every day, until I learn Your voice. I thought "That's hard." But, you shut me down with one simple question.
"Aren't I worthy?"
So often, I come to you planning, asking, searching, needing, wondering, questioning, thinking, worrying..... talking. I tell you my plans and my thoughts and what I need for that day. I talk about my friends. I talk about my family. I tell you what they need, sometimes what I think they feel. I've noticed that instead of asking you to touch them, I tell You to. What is that about?! Lord, help me to come to You and sit in silence. Help me to come to You with my ears wide open....
not my mouth.